Wives!

Unless you are some modern, politically correct homo, you know what the bible says about wives and their duties. However, due to modern brainwashing, many women have forgotten what this looks like. Every time my wife violates one of these rules, I train her. The way I train her is I only respond to her if she calls me Mr. Martin for a week. This teaches her proper respect. So what are these rules of wifely etiquette?

There are only two basic functions required of a wife, and neither one requires thinking. This is a good thing, because as we know most women are a little light in that area anyway. The two basic functions are breeding and feeding, and by feeding I mean serving her husband.

The good Lord created them to pop out as many kids as we want, and they should do it without complaining. My good wife managed a paltry 8 kids before her baby machine broke. (Tip for youngsters: I do not advise suggesting to your wife that you take a mistress on the side as a backup baby machine, for some reason this causes them to cry for a while. Crying causes tears which make the food taste too salty)

Serving is where good wives are separated from average wives. An average wife cooks a variety of food prepared at the same time each evening and served to her husband at the dinner table. A good wife has the husband's favorite food prepared for him the second he comes in from the barn no matter what time it is. She also waits to eat to ensure there is enough for him to be satisfied. One time, when my wife was on a particularly good stretch of behavior, she served me fried possum and gravy for 15 days straight. It was sad that on the fifteenth day she did not realize that this was not my favorite food anymore. The next week it was Mr. Martin all week long.

Yes wives can be fantastic once they are trained properly.